Goddamm MySpace

It's official:
I'm a MySpace addict.
Sad, yes; pathetic, sure; but am I alone?
I think not.
Let's face it, cyber relationships are wonderful. Make "friends", find people with similar interests, look up people from your past and read all about how their life sucks now as much as yours does, and find some kind of self-validation in that fact. It's fun, and relatively nonthreatening.

On another note, though, it's less than 2 weeks until my 28th birthday. Seeing as how I don't plan to live much past 60-65, I think that this is the perfect time for a mid-life crisis. So,,, my hair is blue, my lip is pierced, I've smoked more clove cigarettes in the past few days than I've eaten meals, and I have a new tattoo. Granted, the tattoo had been planned for some time now, but the timing allows it to be added to the list.
It's funny, though. For some reason, I don't feel like I'm in "crisis." Okay, so my marriage is strained, we're putting our house on the market, and I've yet to do our taxes this year, but other than that, I feel more like myself than I have in years. I have no idea what has taken place inside my little brain, but I think if I fail to embrace these changes, I will regret it later.
My poor husband. I will be the first to admit that I am an incredibly difficult person to live with. I'm flighty, irresponsible, loud, obnoxious, and have absolutely no concept of time. I'm a lousy housekeeper, I don't like to cook, and I never make the bed or fold my laundry. When all of these normal personality characteristics appear simultaneously, you're going to love me or hate me. And I think he hates me.
More than anything, I just want the freedom to be myself. In converse to the qualities listed above, I'm also a fun-loving, happy-go-lucky, strong, gentle, kind, and loving person. I don't want to drive anyone crazy, but goddammit, I want to be happy, too.

Enough of that.
Sorry for the emotional outburst.

Went to see Cake last week, and it was awesome (as expected). I appreciate the fact that they don't play by a setlist, although that is my favorite collector's item from shows I've seen (much better than someone's sloppy signature). And, this time (unlike when I saw them last summer), they played Short Skirt, Long Jacket. They also played Wheels, which I do believe is my favorite track off of their last album.
One of the best things about the show, you might ask? (okay, even if you didn't, I'm telling you anyway) : Gogol Bordello, one of the opening acts.
Tegan and Sara performed after Gogol Bordello, and they were good, but I would not have wanted to follow the first act. I'm surprised there was anything left of the stage. Just when you thought it was as crazy as it could get, there would be another girl with a thick accent come out screaming, dancing, and playing a giant drum. It was great. They describe themselves as "Gypsy Punks," and at moments reminded me of Rancid, Flogging Molly, and even System of a Down. They're perhaps one of the most unique acts I've ever seen, and they have given me a new aspiration in life:
To be a punk violinist.
Of course, I don't still have my violin. I do, however, still have my oboe.
I wonder if they could use a punk oboe to go with their punk violin and punk accordian?

The Tears are Gone

Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole.
Just like a faucet that leaks, and there is comfort in the sound.
But while you debate half empty or half full,
It slowly rises; your love is gonna drown.
                                                                      ~Death Cab for Cutie

Why does the perfect sad song to describe your situation always seem to play when you're most vulnerable? I love the newest Death Cab for Cutie Album, Plans, and I've added the songs to my computer library at work. However, even though I have the playlist set on shuffle, I hear "Marching Bands of Manhattan" over and over and over....it almost seems like every third song. Because it's such a beautiful song, I would normally never complain, but the verses above hit a little too close to home.
As my heart rips open for the umpteenth time in less than a year, I can't feel it anymore. I'm numb. Self-protection, perhaps, but not really a good sign...when I cut myself off from emotion, it means all emotion. I lived this way for years in the past, and though I enjoyed the freedom at the time, I'm at a point in life now where there are positive feelings/emotions available, and I find myself throwing them away.

Should I give up?

You Should Get a MFA (Masters of Fine Arts)

You're a blooming artistic talent, even if you aren't quite convinced.You'd make an incredible artist, photographer, or film maker.

What Advanced Degree Should You Get?

Accuracy, again....how do they do it?

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your lover is creative and never lets you feel bored. You'd like to your lover to think you are stylish and alluring. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is lasting. You want a relationship that looks to the future... one you can grow with. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it. In this moment, you think of love as commitment. Love only works when both people are totally devoted.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

Carried away?

Your Monster Profile

Brutal Ogre You Feast On: Olives You Lurk Around In: Sewers You Especially Like to Torment: Pop Stars

What's" Your Monster Name?

Are you an addict after 3?

Your Scholastic Strength Is Developing Ideas

You can take a spark of inspiration and turn it into a full fledged concept.You are talented at brainstorming, visualizing, organizing, and independent thinking. You should major in: Natural sciencesComputer scienceCreative writingMathArchitectureJournalism

What Should You Major In?

Wow. I'm amazed at the accuracy....

You Were a Raccoon

You are a master of disguise and multiple personas.You are infinitely curious and question others without fear.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Who would have known?

You're A Passed Out Drunk

Drinking gives you that warm fuzzy feeling, until you're thrown in the back of a police car...

What Kind of Drunk Are You?

This is what I like to see...The Truth!

Again, from CNN.com:

Sen. Clinton: House 'has been run like a plantation' New York senator call Bush Administration 'one of the worst' Tuesday, January 17, 2006; Posted: 10:17 a.m. EST (15:17 GMT)

NEW YORK (AP) -- Sen. Hillary Clinton on Monday blasted the Bush administration as "one of the worst" in U.S. history and compared the Republican-controlled House of Representatives to a plantation where dissenting voices are squelched. Speaking during a Martin Luther King Jr. Day event, Clinton also offered an apology to a group of Hurricane Katrina survivors "on behalf of a government that left you behind, that turned its back on you." Her remarks were met with thunderous applause by a mostly black audience at the Canaan Baptist Church of Christ in Harlem. The House "has been run like a plantation, and you know what I'm talking about," said Clinton, D-New York. "It has been run in a way so that nobody with a contrary view has had a chance to present legislation, to make an argument, to be heard." "We have a culture of corruption, we have cronyism, we have incompetence," she said. "I predict to you that this administration will go down in history as one of the worst that has ever governed our country." A spokeswoman for the White House declined to comment and referred questions to the Republican National Committee. RNC spokeswoman Tracey Schmitt said: "On a day when Americans are focused on the legacy of Martin Luther King, Hillary Clinton is focused on the legacy of Hillary Clinton." Copyright 2006 The Associated Press. All rights reserved.This material may not be published, broadcast, rewritten, or redistributed.

I love the comment by the RNC spokeswoman.  When in trouble, attack, attack, attack!  (I'm imagining a psychotic pomeranian with it's eyes popping out of its head as it snarls and spits.)  In allowing those comments, though, isn't the RNC doing exactly what HRC said?   "Nobody with a contrary view has had a chance...to be heard."   Hmmm.....
To leave you, and to illustrate how f'd up this country still is, I'll close with a quote from the big Bush's VP Dan "The Man" Quayle;
"Unfortunately, the people of Louisiana are not racists."
Happy belated MLK  Jr holiday everyone, and remember that friends don't let friends vote republican.

Grab the duct tape and bottled water, everyone...

U.S.: 'Very high' chance of WMD terror strike

Tuesday, January 17, 2006; Posted: 3:43 a.m. EST (08:43 GMT)

LONDON, England (AP) -- There is a "very high" probability that a terrorist group will strike using nuclear, chemical or biological weapons, a senior U.S. counterterrorism official said in comments published Tuesday. "I rate the probability of terror groups using (weapons of mass destruction) as very high," U.S. State Department counterterrorism coordinator Henry Crumpton was quoted as saying by the Daily Telegraph newspaper. "It is simply a question of time." Crumpton said a biological attack was potentially the most troubling scenario. He said evidence from Afghanistan suggested al-Qaeda had been seeking to develop anthrax before the overthrow of the Taliban regime in 2001. "It is not just the nuclear threat that bothers me," he was quoted as saying. "I think, if anything, the biological threat is going to grow." "As catastrophic as a nuclear attack would be, it would be self-contained. But if you look at a worst-case scenario for a biological attack, it would be difficult to determine whether or not it was a terrorist attack, and it would be far more difficult to contain." Crumpton told the newspaper that U.S. and international efforts had severely disrupted the al-Qaeda network since the September 11, 2001, attacks in the United States, but that "in all probability" Osama bin Laden was still alive. My guess is that the "terrorist group" most likely to strike with nuclear, chemical, or biological weapons would be the George W. Bush regime. Besides, I live in Kansas....what's there to be afraid of here (besides the weather, perhaps)? To make it even better, my (chem) lab is directly above the State's Bioterrorism lab....and the Chemical terrorism lab is right down the hall....

What a coincidence...

Your Hair Should Be Blue

Wild, brilliant, and out of control.You're a risk taker with an eye to the future.

What's" Your Funky Inner Hair Color?

I just called Des last night and asked her to order blue hair color for me. The purple didn't work out all that great, so we're trying blue this time. It must be meant to be!

Not much time today....

I don't have much time to write today (perhaps later on?), but I thought I'd post some pictures since it's been awhile....enjoy....


Notice what's on the rear dash? There's a close-up if you need it...

One of my favorite pictures from a Lavender farm outside of Topeka
Peter's baby photo.

Another beautiful Kansas Sky
Erica and Dora meet CC Deville at Woodstock 99

It's an hour commute to and from my work...I get bored....

Damn It

Friday was one of the shittiest days I've had since I started my (current) job back in February. GC instruments not cooperating, maintenance and troubleshooting a bitch, and come to find out, all of the work that I did to try to alleviate the problem was fruitless. Instead of peaks and valleys, I have straight lines. Very straight. Damn it.
Right now the afore mentioned instrument is running again, this time using the second column, which so far is working nicely. Unfortunately, I'm running analysis on extracts of fish tissue (carp, flathead catfish, channel catfish, walleye), which will undoubtedly trash that column to the point of necessary replacement in the near future. If the lipids in the fish extracts don't clog the column, the concentrated sulfuric acid in the samples will eat it up. Yay.
My only consolation right now: I'm listening to Plans, the new cd by Death Cab for Cutie.

In any case, it was a pretty good weekend. On Saturday Trish and I took Des to get a psychic reading for her birthday, and then we went out for dinner and drinks. All three of us ended up being able to get readings, and I will say, it was amazing. Aluuna is her name, and she is the one who I really wanted to see at the Kansas City Psychic Fair a while back. This woman knew things about me that I've never said out loud...things that I never even wanted to admit to myself. Tears were running down my face in a matter of minutes. I won't go into all of what she said (nosey, nosey!), but she did say over and over that I have to learn how to ground my emotional energy. I need to meditate or do something that will release the feelings of grief, pain, resentment, and anger that hang around my heart like the humidity in a Kentucky summer.

The Hub and I went on a drive yesterday, to get out of the house and to go check out some real estate closer to my work. It was nice, and we actually ended up finding a house for sale that is more in our price range than the one I was originally in love with (of course). Both houses have 5 acres; neither has a basement (one is an earth-contact home and the other is set on a 4' concrete crawl space area); both have windows above the kitchen sink; both have open floor plans; both have garage/workshop buildings; both have creeks running through the land; and the Hub would have to change jobs for either one of them. Pros and cons, I tell you. While I would like a basement, both of the houses kind of compromise the idea. House #2 is newer, is off of paved road, has 3 bd/2 br, will include all appliances, has a gorgeous deck, has a small fenced-in area within the plot of land (for the doggies), has more storage space, and has more square feet of living space than our current home. House #1 is rustic, has the most amazing sun porch I've ever seen, has nice landscaping, has other out-buildings besides the garage, has a better plot of land, and isn't very close to any neighboring houses. House #2 does not have a porch (only a deck); is right next door to a small, fenced-in horse "pasture" (they have some beautiful horses, but the ground is bare and muddy, and there are dead horseflies in alarming numbers caught in between the window screens and glass....ew); and has no landscaping (not even a shrub) around the house. House #1 needs new interior paint in several areas, only has one bathroom (and because it's a berm home setting on concrete, we'd have to cut into the concrete to install the drainage/plumbing for a 2nd bathroom--can you say pain in the ass?), is missing a garage door, is off a dirt/gravel road, has higher property taxes, has less storage space, and has fewer square feet of living area than our current house.

Truth be told, it's not as if we're going to be moving any time in the near future (that I can tell, anyway). However, it's always nice to know that there are options if things work out for possible relocation. All I really would like is for the Hub to not worry so much (no matter where we live or what the situation), and for him to have a job that he doesn't mind going to every day. To say the least, the people he works with and for are assholes. There are a scant few who he can tolerate, but by and far the majority are total pricks. A few in particular are especially shitty, and unfortunately the Hub's supervisor is one of the worst. If only I can get some of his hair....

Good ole Leviticus

I wish I could claim this one as my own, but I'll post it just the same..... Dear George W. Bush, Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and I try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind him that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination. End of debate. I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some of the specific laws and how to best follow them. a) When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord (Lev 1:9). The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them? b) I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her? c) I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness (Lev 15:19-24). The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offense. d) Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians? e) I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself? f) A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an Abomination (Lev 11:10), it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? g) Lev 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here? h) Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev 19:27. How should they die? i) I know from Lev 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves? j) My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? (Lev 24:10-16) Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14) I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging. Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

Puppy Fever

It's official:  I have puppy fever.

Much to the Hub's chagrin, it is now full-blown.  His aunt and uncle and their two girls recently got a puppy; then his cousin (my friend) Taylor got one.  Granted, both of their family situations are different than ours, but still.  The youngest of my kids (the main herd) is going to be 4 this year, and I just have this bleeding-hearted desire for a new baby in my life.

A friend of mine told me that my yearning for a puppy is due to a subconcious desire for a human child; because I'm now spayed,  she said the realization of my sterility is coming to a head with this desire for a canine child.  

Another friend mentioned that it could be that all of my kids are more independent in their older years, and that I need something to nurture.

Another person just flat-out told me I was crazy, and that the last thing I really want is a puppy (um, housebreaking in January? not fun).

We've thinned the other herd substantially since I last listed them all.  We're not breeding rats anymore, and the two females remaining are going to live with a friend of mine at work.  Many of the tarantulas had grown full-size, which is the optimum time to sell them as you can make top-dollar on an adult (as opposed to making $15 on a spiderling),  so they found new homes via the last Kansas City Reptile Show.  The Hub is thinking of selling the rainbow boa instead of purchasing a male or borrowing a male for stud;  the fact that they have live birth and we're still 2 years from breeding her are main factors in that matter.  The female bearded dragon, who is only a few months away from being able to be bred, is also on the market; she's beautiful, but she's a little shithead, and the expense and effort of raising a clutch of beardies far outweigh the experience, according to most breeders.  All of these issues are under review, but not likely to change.

So, in reality, another dog wouldn't be thatmuch trouble, in my opinion.  We have 3 dogs and 2 cats as the main herd, and the secondary herd is comprised of 6 snakes (not including Rita, the boa), 1 millipede, 1 frog, 1 turtle (that I'm holding for a friend until she can get a set-up for him), and 2 lizards.  All of these, with the exception of the frog and the turtle, live in one room in the house, and take up only a small amount of time.  The frog and the turtle are in a terrarium in the living room, and they're really no trouble.  So, I say, why not a new baby?

I need something to need me.  I want something to love me and look at me like it's mommy; something that is going to depend on me to nurture it and care for it.  My other kids are like that to an extent, but not so much anymore.  The dogs are very independent, and only want my attention and love when it works into their agendas.  Peter the cat is always loving and allows me to spoil the crap out of him, but I somehow feel the need for more.  But, as the Hub asks (quite often), "When is it ever going to be enough?"

 I just know that the Hub isn't going to give in.  Maybe he'll get me a Furby instead?