I can't believe it's down to 2

Not days before christmas, assholes (obviously). But, my back-log of samples at work is down to 2. From almost 200 at one point. I thought I'd have to quit before it would all get done. Thankfully, that's not the case.
And, as far as that whole situation goes, I still think it was a bit unfair that I was blamed for the entire debacle. With my GCs failing all summer, how was I supposed to stay caught up on the work load? However, they were (WERE!!) my samples, so I completely take responsibility. I'm just not too happy about doing so. Anyway, all that said, my supervisor has been amazingly helpful in all of this progress. He told me once that he doesn't let people fail, and he won't set people up to fail. And, he showed me. And, we're down to 2. I wouldn't have been at all this far along had he not been doing so much. As sick and scatterbrained as I've been (yes, even more so than normal), I have no idea where I'd be on the work list.

Speaking of being sick and scatterbrained, I finally went to the doctor yesterday morning. Let me tell you--it was a total relief. I really should have gone earlier. I had to miss work and sit in the doctor's office and dick around for the majority of the morning all to hear that I'm not getting enough sleep, not eating right and not eating enough, and that my afflictions are all likely due to stress. Hallelujah. I'm glad they cleared that up for me.

The 7-second radio delay does bother me, though. That's the moniker I've given to my state of being a bit [more] slow and foggy lately... It's like there's a 7-second delay before I actually comprehend something someone tells me. And of course, the conversation will have already progressed by the time I am able to follow what's going on. I think I might be braindamaged. At least that's what it feels like sometimes. Needless to say, this issue is one that irritates not only me, but generally most people who are trying to tell me things I need to do or things that I really need to understand. Like I said, braindamaged.

One of the really good things that has happened recently? I'm no longer alone in the desperate isolation that is Scranton Kansas! Miss Mary Massacre has moved in with me for a while. I'm not sure how long I can convince her to stay with me, considering I think she may have already fallen into the depressing pit of boredom and seclusion that I have to actually pay property taxes on. I feel a bit bad that I've dragged her out into my personal little shit-hole, but I'm not sure she's miserable quite yet. We do have a horrible lot of fun together, whether it's bouts of throwing shit away (considering it's been 9 months since I've lived in my house and the place is still strewn with boxes and crap), or sitting on the couch watching movies with the kitties. There are a handful of people who I have absolutely no shame around, and she is definitely one of them. If you're going to live with someone, it's best to have that kind of relationship. If that person hears you getting your ass slapped in the middle of the night, they're allowed to tease you later, but not allowed to interrupt or bang on the wall. It's respected like that.
In any case, the locals seem to have adjusted to her arrival quite well. My neighbors Virgil and Shirley have stopped looking out their windows, and the people at Casey's General Store up the road know her brand of cigarettes now. I still can't wait until warmer weather when we can sit on the front porch smoking cigarettes on Sunday mornings when the streets are lined with church-goers and their cars. Fun times ahead!

So here we are, 5 days before christmas, and I think I may have everyone's gifts in line. My folks and my sister and her husband are getting framed pictures that I've done, as are a few other friends of mine (I also got my mom a framed photo of Barbaro crossing the line at the Kentucky Derby, signed by Edgar Prado). Traci and Des are taken care of, Nick's is still in transit, Kurt's is about 10 minutes from being complete, Mary's getting a gallon of Vodka, I did a painting for Jess, so forth and so on. There are still a couple of other things that I do have to get, but they'll be easy. This is really the first year that I haven't really been obligated to buy for a lot of people. There's my family, of course, but most of my friends and I kind of have a no-gift or home-made gift kind of policy. Shit, they know I'm broke, and most of them can't afford to spend a million pennies, so it all works out. Best part about exchanging gifts is the actual exchange--getting together with the people I hardly ever get to see, and showing them somethin real purty that I done made for em. And drinking and partying and eating lots of food that my doctor wouldn't be thrilled about (but will probably make me sick later on). Only one problem, though. I've made up a few set-lists of songs for mix-cds that I want to give to people, but my computer is still on the fuck. So, I'm probably going to end up paying someone to make them for me, but that's okay, right? They're still home-made?

Last night I came across the mix tape that Hunter made for me before I moved to Kansas. I thought I was going to lose it, but thankfully Mary was there to stare at me until I stopped crying. I miss him so much. It's fucked up how I don't even really want to go back to Kentucky now. It's not like he was the only person I visited when I made my annual pilgrimage. It's still too hard for me to imagine having the strength to walk back into that cemetery that I used to visit so often. The last time was more than a year ago now, and I'm certain he has a headstone by this point. But I don't know if I can handle it. I don't know that I'm ever going to be able to handle that loss, especially considering that I once made the choice to let him go. When given an ultimatum, I didn't choose him. Of course I had no idea that the person who gave me that ultimatum (and the one who I chose) would no longer be a part of my life, and I never thought Hunter would be gone so soon. I have said it before, and I'll say it a million times and forever--I will never be given an ultimatum like that again. That would be one of the easiest decisions of my life.

Ugh...no more of that babble, which I seemingly fall into every time I sit down to type. Ah, it's just something about the holidays that brings it out of me. The whole season gets me down, kind of like that churchman got my panties down more than 20 years ago--right around this time of year. Children's christmas bible studies are the best! The only thing better would be the little performances that the kiddies do on sunday nights. I'm sure the whole congregation gets a kick out of those, some for better reason than others.
It's funny how vividly you remember things sometimes.

So deck the halls, folks. I can't wait till 200fucking7.

xo,
m